If you watched the Golden Globes last night, you know that the very best thing about them was Ricky Gervais.
Ricky, can I please bear your children? I mean, WOW—usually I tune out after the red carpet stuff, but for probably the first time in years I watched, and enjoyed, the entire show. (If you missed it, watch the lulz-inducing opening monologue, complete with Scientology, Hugh Hefner and SATC jokes, here). What was not to love?
Oh yeah—the hair and makeup. As usual, more misses than hits... and it's not because I don't WANT to give praise where praise is due.
But honestly? Only four stars rocked my world. Just four! How very disappointing. But I'm tossing out a few crumbs to some other celebs—let's just hope they take notes and improve their game for the Oscars.
MOST GLAMOROUS: January Jones
Because finally—finally!—January realizes that she looks the best on the red carpet when she doesn't fight the Betty Draper. Whenever she tries to go edgy, like at the Emmys last year, it doesn't quite work as well, does it? (Although last year's Globes hairband thing arguably went too much in the other direction.) Glam is just so much more her thing.
And that's exactly what she did here. The hair and makeup was most definitely on the conservative, Old Hollywood side: a deep side-part, retro waves, matte skin, strong brows, red lips. And then the genius of it was to play it against a SOOPER SEKSI dress. Somehow, it tones down the boobage. (And is an alternative way of working a revealing dress, because another strategy, a la the Victoria's Secret models, would be to pair it with an almost bare face and undone hair. Not suitable for the Globes, obviously. Anyway, the big thing to remember is not to do sexy dress plus sexy hair and makeup. It's all about the contrast.)
Oh, and I realize she has lipstick on her teeth in the second photo. I will let it slide. I'll also let it slide that I wish to see her skin slightly more dewy. Oh well.
SEXIEST HAIR: Anne Hathaway
Not loving Hathaway's shoulder pads—what was UP with all of the Dynasty dresses last night?—but I am loving The Hair.
My goodness The Hair. It was out-of-this-world bouncy, healthy, shiny, voluminous... everything one wants one's hair to do. (And as a person cursed with fine, straight, limp locks that cannot hold a curl to save their life, I am très jalouse.) Smart move, too, to pair this style with that dress, because an updo would've made her look about 100 years old.
THE HAIR AND MAKEUP I MOST WANT TO COPY: Dianna Agron
God help me if I ever have to walk a red carpet—how nerve-wracking would THAT be?—but if I did, I'd want to emulate Dianna Agron.
I KNOW. Not trendy in the slightest and maybe her hair is even a little bit Prom. But I don't care. I think she looks adorable. You see, I have a thing for that half-up, half-down sort of hair (case in point: this event). And I love that she didn't overdo it on the makeup (when I get into the GG beauty fails, you'll see what I mean). The fuchsia lip, with blush and a bit of eyeliner, is enough.
FRESHEST FACE: Amy Adams
Doesn't Amy Adams look ridiculously radiant and healthy—and happy? Again: nothing trendy at all about this look, but sometimes it's better to be low-key than to try something out of the ordinary and fail. (Let's get back to that point when we discuss Sandra Bullock in a few.)
You know how I can't seem to find anything amiss with Kate Bosworth's makeup, like, ever? Well, Amy here is giving her a run for her money. This application is perfection: no harsh lines, the blush looks like it is coming from within, a gorgeous colour on the lips and supremely awesome shimmer plus liner on the lids. Also, the hair is my kind of updo: loose and effortless instead of Carrie Underwood-styles. (And if you saw her updo last night, you know that we have MUCH to discuss about that indeed.)
And now for the celebs who get a solid B grade...
First of all, the French twist crew. Now that was weird, because I didn't know that French twists were particularly in fashion. I am going to try to ignore.
BEST EYELASHES: Mila Kunis
And by "best," I mean "least fake-looking" (even though we know these puppies ain't real). It's a rather masterful eye makeup application, don't you think? Sort of smoky and yet not smoky. That tawny colour really works for Mila.
Her skin also looks pretty amazing... but is it $7,000 amazing? Because that's how much her pre-Globes gemstone facial cost. (From Scott-Vincent Borba, who is now, apparently, an esthetician, even though when I interviewed him years ago he called himself a celebrity makeup artist and founder of the brands Borba and e.l.f. Hmm...)
BEST BROWS:Emma Stone
I say brows because I really can't find anything else to praise about this look. It's not bad, but it's sort of boring. I think Emma's gone a shade too far with the spray tan, a centimetre too long with the fake lashes... and you know how I feel about the aforementioned French twist.
Plus, we all know by now that she's a natural blonde... but is anyone still missing the red? I thought so.
BEST LIP (AGAIN): Natalie Portman
Okay, Natalie: you know we all love that fuchsia lip on you. Truth. So it was a good call to wear it again. (Although you STILL haven't listened to our advice about combing out your mascara clumps.)
But the hair? NO. While I don't mind, I suppose, how Mila's version has volume all around the front, yours is a #fail with the bouffant thing at the back. Is that a Bumpit?
Plus: bad call with that horrific red rose thing on your dress. Pregnancy brain is not an excuse.
BEST USE OF PEACH: Michelle Williams
I really did not like Michelle's daisy-adorned dress (!!), but from the neck up, I really cannot fault the girl. To be perfectly honest, the über-platinum cropped hair look is really not my thing (see: Tabatha's Salon Takeover), but not too many people can look this good with a hairstyle that's so harsh.
Therefore many props to her makeup artist. Totally seamless usage of peach: on the lips, on the cheeks, on the lids, and without a single matchy-matchy infraction.
BEST BANGS: Olivia Wilde
Arguably, Olivia Wilde had no business being at the GGs. (As Lainey says, Olivia Wilde needs to stop trying to make Olivia Wilde happen.)
But from a purely beauty point of view, I've got to say that I think these bangs are an improvement. Along with the softer makeup, they toned down the Miss Universe pageant look she had going on at last year's Globes.
BEST FACIAL DEFROSTING (SORT OF): Nicole Kidman
Well, sort of. Nicole is still semi-frozen, but this is the most mobile I've seen her looking in a while. I mean, doesn't her top lip look almost normal? And I think I detect a baby wrinkle between her eyebrows. Maybe.
Anyway, I have no issues with this hair or makeup. (That thing on her dress? Yes.)
BEST PONYTAIL: Piper Perabo
Aw, Piper—so nice to see you again, since I haven't spotted your work in anything since Coyote Ugly. And you're still cute as a button, what with this ponytail and red lips combo on the red carpet. Adorbs!
The only thing is your skin—and I hate to snark on skin, but you really need to take some cod liver oil. It will help. Trust!
So tell me...
What was YOUR favourite Globes beauty look?
Didn't it feel sort of... wrong... to be staring at January's chest? Wow.
Do you, too, take issue with all the French twist action? Or is it just me?