Well that was awkward. Wasn't it? I don't know where I mustered the fortitude to get through the entire show, but wowie zowie—when Billy Crystal came on, I was really hoping he would just take over.
In fact, in the absence of any notable makeup experimentation (like all the fun lips and seksi eyes we saw at the Globes and SAGs), nice hair was really the beauty theme of the night. (Okay, yes, there were possibly a few wrong moves involving Ken Paves-style hairpieces, but we'll get to all the bad stuff in my next post.)
For now, here's who killed it on the red carpet, beauty-wise. I'm so excited because that brushed-out curls thing that I've been talking about? It has officially arrived.
BEST BRUSHED-OUT CURLS WITH A TWIST: Natalie Portman
Not a literal twist, mind you. But a pinning-to-one-side, which I'm always a fan of. (She kept the barrette sort of hidden, unlike Mandy Moore during that musical number, if you recall. Ick.) And the hair itself—from the honey brown colour to the soft wavy texture—is all kinds of amazing. Makeup's excellent too.
Some did not like the earrings, but I've got a thing for tassels, so I will allow them. Once again, Miss Perfect Portman rules the red carpet.
BEST OLD HOLLYWOOD WAVES: Amy Adams
I'm so obsessed with Amy Adams lately. Possibly this is because I've been hearing from a few colourists lately that I should dye my hair strawberry blonde. And even though I also hear a lot that I look like Nicole Kidman, I think Amy is the better celeb to emulate, non? I'll keep you posted on how this turns out.
Anyway, ignoring the unnecessary accessorization with this necklace, I think Amy looks gorgeous here. Again, the brushed-out curls: with a deep side-part, they're a nod to Old Hollywood but with a modern (read: soft, touchable) texture.
HEALTHIEST, BOUNCIEST, MOST RESILIENT HAIR: Anne Hathaway
So she was the cringiest Oscars host evah. She at least got one thing right: her hair held up real well through all of those costume changes. Yes, it's exactly the same as at the Globes, but when it works, why change it? Many points also for the colour job.
BEST UPDO: Mila Kunis
I think we've seen this hair on Mila a few times now, so it would've been nice to see something a little different... but with that delicate lavender dress, there was really no other way to go. Super-slick, too-tight updos are one of my beauty pet peeves, so I love that she does the updo right: low and loose and softly waved and kind of like she did it herself (although we know she most definitely did not).
Sure, there are echoes of Taylor Swift here, but I think it works.
MOST SLEEK: Gwyneth Paltrow
Too bad about that country performance—but I liked Gwynnie's red carpet look. Aside from that weird butterfly thing or whatever it was on her hip, I thought the dress was a stunner. And what other hair could you wear with it, really? This loose, stick-straight look, along with the subtle makeup, is really modern and doesn't fight with the outfit.
Skin, however, isn't looking the most fresh. I could also do with less self-tanner.
BEST POST-PREGNANCY GLOW: Penélope Cruz
Must be all those hormones still cursing through her system. This woman looks incredible! But then again, she always does. What I can't get over—in fact, with ALL of these brunettes—is the hair colour. Whoever is doing their highlights is doing a bang-up job. Pené also excels at that kind of makeup that is there but not really detectable. A yummy mummy indeed.
BEST WINGED EYELINER: Jennifer Hudson
Jennifer Hudson could've easily ended up on my "worst" list because of all that shimmer on her arms, back and chest—what was THAT all about? But I'm gonna try and ignore, because I really like what she did her with her makeup. The winged liner on the upper lids is crazy gorgeous, and I love it paired with the tangerine gloss (doesn't she have amazing lips?).
MOST AGE-APPROPRIATE: Hailee Steinfeld
Once again, Hailee nails it in terms of what a 14-year-old girl should wear to the Oscars. No, I wouldn't endorse this particular hairband for anyone out of their teens, but on her, it's adorbs. Makeup's great too—I love that they went with the mauve lip and kept her brows full and natural.
MOST TRADITIONALLY SEKSI: Jennifer Lawrence
I feel kind of meh about this look, not that there's anything I can point to that's specifically wrong. (Although I DO think she needs more breast support.) Maybe it's just her awkwardness on the red carpet—it was really apparent when they showed shots of her trying to pose just before old pro Reese Witherspoon strolled in, completely at ease. That said, I think she had better hair than Reese—brushed-out curls again for the win!—and quite nice smokey eye makeup. I think, as we see more of Jen, she'll get better at this.
BEST HIDING OF BANGS: Sandra Bullock
As much as I love Sandy, I wasn't going to put her on my "best" list because, quite frankly, I'm not all that into this look. (Dress too low-cut, lipstick colour/texture is slightly odd, boring hair...) However, just comparing it to the heavy fringe disaster at the Globes, I feel that I have to give her some credit for sweeping all her hair back. At least we can see her eyes this time.
Did you watch the Oscars last night?
Who do YOU think had the best hair and makeup?
Is Miss Perfect Portman starting to get on your nerves too?